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Soul Searching

So I think my yearly depression comes down to this.

In the fall everything dies.

I am reminded...that I too, shall pass from this world

I am not depressed because my life sucks

I am depressed because my life is in fact quite wonderful and passing me by far too quickly.

I get scared and bolt from otherwise happy situations because I think a new start will allow me to escape the inevitable...

Kinda like the Winchester House...if I just keep building the ghosts can't get me.

The past 33 years went like a flash...if Im optimistic..I have another 50....If I'm realistic....probably closer to 30

Maybe not that...I could die tomorrow....easily....

I just found out an old friend's cousin...a few years younger than me....died Sat night...she and her husband both,,,leaving 3 small girls....

I also found out my sister got engaged yesterday......her growing up reminds me how old I am....it cant have been 18 years ago she was born.....dear god...how fast will the next 18 go?

I know the solution is to try to live every second to its fullest...to suck the very marrow from the bones of life......

but in the end...it doesnt matter how much fun I had......or any of us had really.......

ARG!

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
hornedgoat
Dec. 7th, 2008 07:37 pm (UTC)
Leaves in the Wind.
Thank you for sharing your feelings about the season and life. I still think to the past at times and wonder where time went. Life does move quickly and us with it. Its hard to slow down. I feel that it does matter how much fun we have. Maybe not to the world, but to ourselves and each other. I'm sure this feeling will pass, just hang in there.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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